What’s “Normal”? – or – How to Not Compare Your Kids
By Robin at 21 January, 2009, 9:39 pm
One of the 1,928 reasons we homeschool is so the kids don’t have to be compared to their peers and made to feel inferior (or superior!). I’ve always strongly disagreed with the way public schools split the kids up into reading groups and give the groups cutsie little names that obviously denote who the “smart” kids are, and who’s a bit slower. Like “Eagles” and “Sloths”… okay, maybe not that blatantly, but still.
Having said that, I find myself in a bit of an intellectual pickle. Some of my children caught on to reading like… well, a fish to water. Others would go in the “Sloth” group. Some just live for math and others balk at the idea of adding 2+2. (I tend to exaggerate) Yes, we as humans all have our own strengths and weaknesses and subjects we excel at and others we would be happy to remove from existence; but wouldn’t it be nice if our kids could all be equally, perfectly adept at every subject they ever encounter?
This brings me to my issue… Is it easy to refrain from thinking, “Why can’t you be a little more like your brother?” I would never say such a thing to my kids! But is it awful to think it?? How human is it to not wonder if maybe one of your kids is mathematically challenged and another is a literary genius? (don’t forget that exaggeration disclaimer) How crazy is it of me, as a mother, to wish my kids could all share the best qualities each of them has and just get rid of the not so great ones?
I guess the most important thing, as a mom and an educator, is to accept each child as an individual and realize that what’s normal for one is not necessarily normal for the others. Maybe reading Lord of the Rings at the age of eight isn’t “normal” and I shouldn’t expect it of all of my children. Maybe not quite getting how to form a comprehensive paragraph when you’re just a little kid is “normal” and I should go with the flow a bit more. Who decided what “normal” is anyway? Does average equal normal?
One of the other 1,928 reasons we homeschool is so our kids can be individuals. They can be who they are and not be compared to others. The can feel comfortable in their skin and not feel like they have to be like the other kids in their class to be cool. So if I’m comparing my kids, does this foster their individuality? Probably not!
We all want to be confident in who we are, what we know, and what we’re capable of. I definitely want that for my kids! So, as hard as it may be at times, I’ll refrain from comparing them… at least vocally and where they can hear me.
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